House on Haunted hill Hogwarts Style
by Par-salin
Summary: This is a funny story, quite a bit of killing with a humours twist at the end. made for HEX users, no chacrters are actually included in the J.K Rowling book serise


Chapter 1: the letter is sent  
  
This year was a special year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well actually it wasn't, but something rather peculiar happened that the teachers did not expect.  
  
Seven crows were sent from a castle in southern Ireland, a castle not seen by the naked eye, only by those of magical blood and heritage. The sender was a Mysterious sorceress named Marion, who yearned to do something with her life. Appearing young and fair, short ink black hair showing endless vitality. She was old, cold at heart, and needed a little fling to boost her drive. The seven crows she sent were each attached with a letter which read  
  
"to the edge of the forest you shall come bring your belongings and forget where your from your life is at stake when you come here tonight but no life is real life without a good fright come on swift winds for a prize is the game bring your magicks along for survival is the aim"  
  
Marion ran her finger down her smooth skin on her face caressing what magic had done to keep it beautiful.  
  
"SLAVE!" Marion yelled clapping her hands and walking from her window to sit in her throne, her regal seat made of dragon's bones. Quick as a flash a short stubby man waddled into the throne room of the castle where Marion sat  
  
"Aye lass?" the man said  
  
"Nundo, (hehehe) go to the school and make sure that all of the subjects I have selected are well versed, if any of them do not arrive by midnight tonight at the edge of the forest, leave them behind." Marion said, then waved off.  
  
"Snooty little priss!" Nundo cursed under his breath getting on his broom and flying to the nearest portkey.  
  
Chapter 2: the prey is met.  
  
Nundo waited at the edge of the forest for the subjects. Hopefully the crows arrived as scheduled. Nundo was laughing to himself at the thought of the prank that he pulled before he left the castle. he put a poster of the cast from the Rocky Horror Picture show in Marion's bed chamber. Marion had some sort of fear of transvestites..  
  
"LET GO OF ME!" the voice of a female screamed. Six silhouettes.. well seven if you count the one that was being dragged behind.  
  
"come now Jen, if we would have left you, you would have broke into the hufflepuff common room." Said the voice of two girls in unison. the girls that were dragging Jen along.  
  
"you sisters are gonna pay for it!" Jen screamed to the girls dragging her.  
  
They all stopped around Nundo, Jen was now standing and brushing herself off.  
  
Nundo waved his hands and silence rang amongst the crowd. "I am Nundo, sla. I mean Servant of Marion the Magnificent! Each of you should have received an owl, or rather crow explaining in a riddle what you were about to face. There is an invite to come to Marion's castle and partake in her experiment. If each of you can stay the night in her castle in southern Ireland. You shall each receive a dragon's egg." Nundo stopped "Some may die" Nundo said waiting for the inevitable gasp that flowed like a wave over the seven selected. "Should people die, the dragon eggs will be divided up amongst the survivors" Nundo said. "Now, there is a portkey, it lays In the Lake, a coral reef in appearance it shall take you to the lake in the courtyard of Marion's castle." Nundo said "Brooms of any sort are not permitted" he finished "see you there." he put in last words before getting on his broomstick and flying overhead. He started flying but stopped after he was about fifty feet above the lake. He turned back and smiled an evil grin at the seven selected and then he dived his broom into the lake.. He didn't come back up. Not because he teleported, oh no, the port key was actually a big anvil in Hagrid's backyard that said "Portkey" across it in shining letters. Nundo died on contact with the water. *sigh* don't you just wish some kids would listen for a change?  
  
Chapter 3: The prey arrives.  
  
All of them found the glowing anvil with ease which took them to the front doorstep of Marion's castle. Also, they all took note, there was no actual lake in the courtyard.  
  
After they were all escorted up the stairs, rather harshly by Cornish pixies they were addressed by Marion.  
  
"Yes, here they are the seven dragon eggs, as you should have been told by my now probably deceased slave Nundo." Said Marion an evil smile across her face "Anyway, you will all introduce yourselves and then the competition begins!" Marrion Said. The first one to introduce themselves was a girl  
  
"Hey my name is Nadirah Hakim! I'm usually shy and the doctors tell me I'm special, they just don't think my friends are real, you see, I can see these people at hat nobody else can so people think I'm crazy.. here I'll introduce them too.. There's buckwheat, Clarissa, Mushu, ding Sum, Poutine, Holly, Spam, Dude, and of course then there's dudette. (several hours later) and finally. of wait I forgot.. and I always remember by starting from the beginning and working my way down." the girl started but stopped and smiled.  
  
the next one up was also a girl, come to think of it, they were all girls. hmm maybe the estrogens killed Nundo, not the water.  
  
"My name is Jen, and I have a knack for lock picking an tearing down portraits to pillage other common rooms, other than that I'm sweet as pie" Said Jen, smiling sweetly  
  
Two other girls, at the same time snapped their fingers in a circle and rolled they're eyes "Pah-leeze" they say in unison.  
  
On of the girls steps up "I'm Angel and one day I'm gonna take over the world cause I'm a super hero and hunnie, there is nuthin YOU can do about it!" Angel said putting up her hand "talk to the hand" She said spinning off and the other girl stepped up  
  
"And I'm Glitter, her twin and we're both gonna take over the world, I'm the brains of our operation, oh yeah I'M THE SWEET ONE!" she said snorting and spitting off to the side shooting Jen a glare.  
  
The next girl stepped up "My name is Jamie, and that's all you need to know, I can't tell you any more or my friends in the centre of the earth will wreak bloody havoc on me!" screamed Jamie hauling at her hair and flinching.  
  
The next girl came up a little tiny thing and all excited and full of energy "MY NAME IS GINGIN!" She squealed "I'm going to take over the world one day I'll take over the world, and don't ask about the name, it's retarded I know but then again my mother was a goat and my father was a demon. The miracles of make up eh?" She said.  
  
The last girl came up "YO YO YO! ANGEL DEVIL IN DA HOUSE!" She said in a rapping voice "I talk like this because there's no way in any alternate universe that angle devil is a real name, so MOVE WIT DA MUSIC! WO-OH UN- HUH!" .  
  
After all the girls were done introducing themselves followed by an "oh heavenly forces I've picked a bunch of loonies" from out hostess the Competition began. Marion vanished and lightning stuck.  
  
Chapter: what chapter is this? Who cares: well into the night  
  
It was nearly five AM in the castle and each girl had split up in groups, except Nadirah Hakim, she was quite comfortable with her four hundred and eleven 'friends'.  
  
They were all split up to explore the castle then would meet back in the throne room and discuss their findings.  
  
"I told you Sponge Bob, the bathroom is right around this corner." said Nadirah, Walking into the pitch darkness of the castle talking to her friend who she swears she drew and brought him to life with magic and that the show is a conspiracy to brainwash her. She actually did find the bathroom but not until she heard a blood curdling scream.  
  
Angel Devil Came running down the dark hallway that Nadirah was in. "YO YO YO! It's angry mothers against my rappish hate lyrics!" she screamed as a herd of mothers with picket signs came running down the hall after her.  
  
Angel jumped out the window and fell four hundred feet to her death from the angry mothers, but they didn't stop thee, oh no, the mothers made a human ladder out of their bodies and climbed down, stabbing Angel with their picket signs.  
  
"No it's just my imagination isn't it Sailor Moon?" Said Nadirah, brushing off what she just saw on her pursuit back to the throne room.  
  
. Meanwhile Glitter and Angel walked down the opposite side of the castle when Gingin and Jamie crossed their path. Jamie was still flinching, obviously slightly insane.. or as her parents put it "she's special" .  
  
"What are you doing here, trying to take over my world?" Gingin said to the twins. There was a big controversy, you see gingin and the twins all wanted to take over the world. "You wanna cat fight?" The twins said in unison "Pretty kitties?" Said Jamie, gnawing away at her hand "I love pretty kitties.." She said dazing off.  
  
"RIIIIIGHT" gingin and the twins all said at the same time. Gingin nodded and went to pull the twins hair. But the twins had a different idea for cat fight. They both turned into cats, and started hissing.  
  
"KITTIES!" yelled Jamie "Let's play kick ball!" She screeching jumping up and down with joy. Unfortunately she got so excited with herself she trampled the twins into little kitty mush.  
  
. Meanwhile Jen, also by herself, the very mischievous one was looking for common rooms to break into. sadly she died. but it was a quick death.. By some magical force all 4 of the portrait holes appeared in a wall. The Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor All opened up and out came all of the students from each house with school books and by the hundreds they took a whack at her with their school books, beating her to a pulp.  
  
"EVERY TIME SHE COMES OVER SHE ALWAYS FORGETS TO WIPE HER FEET ON THE MAT!" all of the students say at the same time.  
  
Chapter: let's just say a random number. 42!: all is explained.  
  
Gingin, Jamie and Nadirah Hakim all walked back to the main room it was nearly six thirty now and the sun was coming up. They all took different routes, Gingin coming in from the south wing, Nadirah Hakim coming from the west and Jamie from the east. They all came in and stood there, the Throne to the north and in it sat Marion.  
  
"The sun should be rising soon, I trust you all have figured out the spell I have put over this castle?" Marion stated.  
  
"BLUE! THE ANWSER IS BLUE!" yells Jamie Excited, still pieces of Glitter and Angle are on her shoes.  
  
"No!, I put a spell here to make each of you face your greatest fear, but since your all insane there's nothing that scares you.. except maybe a therapist." Marion said  
  
"THERAPIST'S? WHERE?!?!?!" Nadirah Exclaimed. picking up a large rock on the floor "I'm going to need a pokemon!" she squeekes "POKEBALL GO!" she yells throwing her rock at GinGin hitting her in the head crushing her skull.  
  
"YOU KILLED GINGIN!" yelled Jamie performing Avada Kadevera on Nadirah killing her.  
  
this resulted in a riot with Nadirah Hakim's many friends. four hundred and eleven to be exact. the riot demolished Jamie and everyone was gone.  
  
"now I get to keep my eggs, my beautiful eggs." Says Marion but all of a sudden the light goes out, and it's pure darkness In the castle.. "What the.."  
Chapter: 68 and 7 9ths. : THE END  
  
The single spotlight comes on and Marion is clearly not in her castle anymore.. she's. she's on a stage?  
  
She looks down to inspect herself.. "WHAT THE!?!?!?!" She gasps. She's wearing a black leotard with black knee high pantyhose and 6 inch high heels. Her fine ink black hair is Curly and loaded with hairspray. Fake eyelashes and cheap lipstick decorate her face..  
  
She pats her face to find.. SHE'S GOT A BEARD!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" she screams. then, seven more spotlights come on illuminating seven coffin's behind her. Each coffin door swings open and each of the people inside the house get out, everyone wearing the same thing as Marion, Curly black hair fake eyelashes and all (beard too).  
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN AND THOSE WHO AREN'T QUITE SURE WELCOME TO THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!" they all scream.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Screams Marion as the words "Rocky Horror Picture Show" light up on the top of the stage, then the whole common room sits in the audience clapping and taking pictures.  
  
and we end this story with a now insane Marion, our hostess facing her greatest fear, as the seven contestants line dance and sing the theme intro. well till next time.  
  
THE END!!! 


End file.
